Using Specific Praise

Children and Family Resources: Using Specific Praise  

 What is specific praise? 

“Specific Praise” or “Labeled Praise” is a common behavioral strategy used in classrooms and family therapy settings. It is a tool parents can use in the household setting to encourage children to engage in positive behaviors and increase their self-confidence in the process. Often, parents, children, and clinicians can work together to improve specific behaviors using this technique.  

The difference between specific praise and general praise is that specific praise points out exactly what a child or adolescent is doing well rather than simply stating “good job.” Specific praise works wonders in helping children to develop a growth mindset and recognize when they are taking steps towards meeting their goals. 

Examples of specific praise: 

Vague Praise 

Specific Praise 

“Great job!” 

“You cleaned your room like I asked you to. You did a great job folding your clothes and putting them in your drawers.” 

“I knew you could do it!” 

“You put your shoes on the first time I asked. You did a great job following directions and we will be on time!” 

Why is specific praise important? 

Specific praise helps us recognize when an attempt is made. I call this “recognizing a try.” We know that when we are trying to develop a different mindset, learn a new skill, or improve in an area we’re not strong in, it’s going to take many mistakes, a lot of time and a ton of encouragement.  

Even as adults, we crave specific feedback from our bosses, spouses, and community. Having specific examples of what we are doing well helps us to recognize our strengths and bolsters our confidence to try new things or improve our performance in areas we are not as strong in, which, in turn, increases our self-esteem and motivates us to continue working towards our goals. When we bolster our children’s confidence by being their coach instead of their critic, we set them up for success. 

Specific praise is important for all populations but may prove to be more significantly impactful when you have a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or a child who has experienced trauma. According to Dr. William Dodson, a board-certified psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD across the lifespan, children who experience symptoms of ADHD will receive 20,000 more negative statements than the general population by the age of 12. Certain mental health challenges like ADHD impact a child’s ability to manage impulses and think before they act. This creates a dynamic rife with guilt and shame that can last into adulthood if not addressed. 

Children and adolescents that experience consistently negative feedback from their families often feel isolated and label themselves “bad kids.” Parents often do not see them this way, but because of a lack of specific positive feedback, children assume they do. 

Specific praise is also an important aspect of treatment for children and adolescents experiencing post-traumatic symptoms. When children have been exposed to trauma, they often lack confidence, a sense of stability and/or safety, and experience a greater sense of guilt and shame than the general population. 

Parent involvement is a major component of Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), an evidence-based practice that has proven to reduce trauma-related symptoms in diagnoses such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Depression, and Anxiety. In TF-CBT, specific praise is a tool used to increase positive interactions between parents and their children, improve the parent-child relationship, and increase desired behaviors. 

An illustration of specific praise for behavior modification: 

You want your son or daughter to start making their bed in the morning. You have a conversation with them and tell them that starting next Monday, they must begin their day by making their bed each morning.  

Monday comes around, and your child tosses the blanket over his or her pillows and the bed is arranged in what looks like a nest. You might begin to feel frustrated and think it’s only day one and my child didn’t do what I asked. You might be tempted to yell something like, “You rushed through this, it looks terrible. You didn’t even care.”  

After taking a breath, you recognize this as “a try.” Adding new habits into your daily routine is never easy. The more you stop and think about what “a try” looks like for your child, the less frustrated you will become. You stop and think, they remembered it was Monday, that they were supposed to make their bed, and they did something that resembled making their bed. With specific praise in mind, you call your child back into their room calmly and say, “You remembered you were going to start making your bed in the mornings and this was a great first try, I noticed you pulled the blanket up after you got out of bed.”  

Give your child a moment to let this sink in. When they were expecting to be criticized, they were praised instead. Think about how that must feel for them – you did that! You’re on the same team. 

After your child practices this for several days, set aside some time to show them how to make their bed by showing them how to tuck in the sides. When it’s time to change the sheets, do it together and show them the whole process. It’s okay to set expectations that the bed doesn’t look like a nest every day!  

If you stick with specific praise and coaching rather than criticism, you will see a difference in your child’s ability level to complete the task over time. 

Taylor Wright, LMSW